Today’s Outlook

I guess I should indicate that I am specifically calling this introductory post, Today’s outlook, because an outlook on any given day can be drastically different. I will say that although life is what you make it, I never in a million years would have guessed that our family with little man would be the way it is.

I should also preface that paragraph to tell you why. We are your typical, southern family. Married to the guy who roped my heart in when we were just teenagers. We grew together in many ways and in 2014, decided to start a family. After a devastating miscarriage, we were successful and I carried a beautiful baby pumpkin for 8 months. We elected not to learn the gender because it didn’t matter to us either way and I have to say, it was one of the BEST surprises in all my life.

Pumpkin made the decision to introduce his/herself a whole month early. Easy pregnancy, non-complicated labor, and 7 hours later, I got to meet Carter Keith. I will never forget my husband yelling out, “It’s a Boy!!” It was beautiful, raw, emotional and a scene I play over and over in my head daily. Carter was a healthy 6.3 lbs and laid on my chest, we stared at each other for what seemed like ages. He told me he loved me, or maybe I just knew it, and I cried because this moment beats every other moment in all my 31 years of life.

Fast-forward to today. Carter has weekly physical therapy and we are awaiting an EEG and MRI appointment, taking place in the coming weeks. The physical therapist, happy with the slow progress, has also recommended us to start receiving occupational therapy. Anything for my little, right? We will do whatever it takes. But how did we get here? It is a question that will never escape my mind. We, doctors included, still don’t know what we are dealing with. Carter isn’t progressing as he should, socially or physically. He has vision problems no one can figure out, movement problems no one can figure out and two VERY motivated parents pushing for every test, visit and therapy we can get him into.

The last 7 months have been the longest, hardest road I have ever been on. I have up days and down days. My up days are REALLY up and my down days are REALLY down. Today falls a little in the middle. The sweet, little rascal I call my son is sleeping and I am watching him. All the love in my chest feels like it will burst, but along with that, I have spent hours, days, months searching his symptoms trying to come up with some sort of peek into our future and what that looks like. Because right now, this limbo is tearing me apart…

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