Hello, Wednesday. Please don’t end. 

I am terrified of this day ending. I’ve never wanted a day to drag on as much as I do right now. 

The sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I wake up, the sooner my sweet baby has to be sedated…the sooner I get results. 

I’ve never been more scared. 

God, and it’s like I’m fighting myself. I want to know so bad so I can help him, but my stomach is in my throat knowing I’m going to get a phone call before this week ends. 

I want, and don’t want, that phone call. 

I’m trying to drown myself in laughter just to get by today. Trying to think about anything but tomorrow. 

And it’s difficult. 

I’m just going to spend tonight in my baby’s crib. Sleeping. With him by my side. 

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