Baby on my brain

Someone wise recently told me, grief is a circle. In the beginning, it’s an extremely small circle. You feel trapped, in a vicious cycle…crying everyday, not able to handle your situation. But as time goes on you find support and love, and your circle gets bigger, your confidence gets stronger. Days start to pass with no tears. You find happiness in places you didn’t think was possible. You see blessings that you were blinded to previously. Yes, there are instances where your circle feels small again, as grief never disappears. And whatever circumstance caused your circle to reduce, will probably happen again. This time, you’ll be ready. And your circle will get bigger again. 

My circle is starting to get bigger faster. I feel like I’m picking myself up quicker than I was in the beginning. It sure as hell doesn’t hurt that little man is a ham. 

Laying in my tub tonight, I started counting my blessings. How lucky I am that I was chosen to be Carter’s mom. How lucky I am to have picked an incredible husband. How lucky I am to have the most wonderful parents and sister. I’m a lucky girl in many, many ways. 

But Carter has made me thankful for each day. He is my best friend, my knight in shining armor, my Prince Charming. I pick him always. I would pick him a million more times. In spite of what we have had to go through to help him, I would do it all over again.

And not think twice…


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