Counting down the days or making the days count?

I cannot believe my little will be one whole year old in two months. It’s even more weird that he is delayed so we technically label him a month behind. But it’s reality so, in two months, its a big fat one.

He is still only developmentally 3-5 months. One on hand, I am sad that with every day, he falls just a little more behind and it gets harder to help him catch up. (If that’s even a thing anymore). On the other hand, I am happy he is no longer in the 0-2 month stage!

So though he can’t sit, hold his head up really well or see much, he’s rolling like a beast. He has rolled since he was about 4-5 months, but only to the left. This weekend, Casey and I taught him to roll to the right and he is slowly getting it. I think his side preference is still left. Which is weird as hell since he only ever wants to turn his head to the right. He’s a crazy man.

I also think I am very, very sloooooowly starting to understand his communication. What each scream means, since babbling ain’t his thing. He will converse, though. It’s tough sometimes to figure out if he is excited or upset, but I am starting to get it. It will be a relief when I can nail down his emotions. I laugh in the face of all baby book makers. HA. This child follows NOTHING. Not a damn thing.

I wish something was a little normal around here. Just a little. It sometimes feels like once we get on good footing where something is working, a wrench is thrown into the deal and we end up back at square one. It is a full-time job, on top of my already held full-time job and with all of his delays I find myself wishing his babyhood away. Move on to the next milestone. I want him to accomplish something. Anything. What I would have taken for granted if I had gotten a child who was by the book.

Things people need to stop saying to me, even though I know it’s coming from a place of love:

  1. Once he starts walking, you will wish he never could!
    1. Um no. I WISH upon every star in the sky that walking is in my sons future. He can’t even hold his head up. I will praise Jesus if or when the day comes that he walks…or sits.
  2. Oh no, you don’t want him talking, they never shut up.
    1. Child, you can talk to me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Talk all day, talk all night. He can’t babble and he will be starting speech therapy because he has already been flagged with a language delay. If he ends up being able to speak, TALK YOUR LITTLE FREAKING HEAD OFF. Mama will listen. Mama will listen all damn day.
  3. I know a kid who (dot, dot, dot) or my cousins friends kids eyes did (dot, dot, dot) and they are fine!
    1. We all want him to be fine. Trust me, I would give my life for him to be fine. This journey is treading a little more deeply than fine. I am sure there are thousands of cases where the child turned out ok. But there are also thousands where they did not. Until little man starts to catch up even a tiny bit, hope is lost every time I wake up in the morning.

On that note, I have not lost all hope. Being with him every day puts a smile on my face and love in my heart. Our lives will be ok. We will be ok.

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