When anger turns into tears 

I don’t even remember being this angry in my entire life. Just angry all the time. 

Sometimes the anger can come right after a laugh. It’s crazy how it just sits there, directly underneath all my emotions, waiting to pounce the moment I bend. 

I knew raising a child would be difficult, but this is another level. And the constant worry about our future just presses on me like a boulder that I’m trying to hold up and walk around with…

It’s really hard to accept this life. I love my son, but I’m angry and I don’t know where or who to direct my anger toward. 

I’m angry that I can’t make him better. 

I’m angry that I just want it to be a tiny bit easier, but the older and bigger he gets, the harder it is. 

We see a different doctor for every single issue. EVERY SINGLE ISSUE. And not one can tell me how to help my son. Not.A.One. 9 months of searching. And we are nowhere. 

I feel like I’m drowning. And I’m just so angry I could cry. Every single day.

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2 thoughts on “When anger turns into tears 

  1. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been where you are. I remember it all to well. My girl was 2 1/2 before she had an official diagnosis. She is 17 now. I didn’t want anyone like me around when I was where you are now. I read what you are going through and my heart breaks. And yet, I hold back from reaching out to you. I remember when I couldn’t bear the thought of one more day … much less someone representing 17 years down the road. But you still don’t know what you are dealing with. Knowing something is going on with your child and not knowing the diagnosis is hell. I pray for you. I pray for little man. I pray for better days ahead for your beautiful family. And a better tomorrow will happen. You will see progress.. small tiny miracles unfolding before you that will heal your grieving heart. The anger is a stage of grief. It is amplified for you because you don’t even have a name for the source of your pain. I can offer an autism link on this topic. http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Grieving_a_Diagnosis_of_Autism

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I so very much appreciate your sweet words. The thought of waiting 2.5 years for a diagnosis is so scary to me. I hate the catch 22 that I don’t want them to find something wrong, but I sort of do, just to put a name to these problems. It’s so difficult to help them when you don’t know the true problem. Thank you so much for the prayers. I live and breathe prayers. I will be reading the article tonight. Thank you so much!

      Like

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