You can’t see the rainbow without a little rain

How to start? Today has gotten to me. The pressure of intense home therapy, the fussiness and screaming, the feeling like I’ve seen NO progress. It got to me. 

Maybe it’s knowing this week will be difficult. Sweatingly, hyperventilatingly difficult. 

Little man has been in the worst mood today, constantly screaming and we don’t know the reason. He’s fed, he’s warm….we don’t know. 

I have been pretty lax lately with the home therapy since it was Thanksgiving, but told myself that I’d hit it full force this weekend…good lord. 

Little man did well and little man did not so well. It’s frustrating. I feel like our life will never get easier and he will never be happy. I feel so lost and hopeless today. 

I googled different exercises and symptoms til I was blue in the face. I just want an answer. I need to see something happen. I want him to hold his head steady. I need him to. I’ve been working so hard and he just doesn’t seem to want to. What does that mean? That he never will? Can I accept it? I have to, right?

I hope tomorrow is different. I hope we have a better day.