Reflecting on the last year is easy and hard at the same time. I know I spent the first three months in a twosome, but its really difficult to remember a life without my bubbie. He is, NO DOUBT, the best part about 2016. I unfortunately spent (and undoubtedly will continue to spend) an inordinate amount of my time worrying about Carter and his/our future, as we search for a diagnosis and continue to “treat” his symptoms.
My New Year’s resolution is to focus a little more on having fun with him. I know that worry will always be there, but I am ready to be Mom. Not therapist, not doctor. Just good ole’ mama.
This means in no way that I will be lenient on the therapy he is receiving at home or quality of his care. This just means, if I want to take him to the mall to ride on the carousel for a few hours instead of staying at home to “work”, that’s what we are going to do. Life has been difficult, to say the least, and I need to be a little bit more optimistic. No matter what the problems are, he is still my bubbie and I love him with every part of my soul. He is the biggest and best part of me.
Here is to 2017! It WILL be Bubbie’s year.
Not sure why I’m not used to this yet. Carter has never had a schedule. Not for lack of us trying to enforce one…he just isn’t a baby that can be scheduled. So sometimes it’s 4:30am and he is ready to start his day. Today is that day.
Usually Casey has mornings while I rest, but I decided to give him a break to sleep in. Carter and I got up and put on Baby Einstein to start the day.
As we hung out, and he ate, I watched his little fingers weave in and out of mine. I watched his eyes jet around the room, but momentarily stopping to glance in my direction. He grabbed my robe and he grabbed my hair and we laughed.
Trying to focus on Carter’s small victories. He may be severely behind gross motor and social skills, and probably more areas than I want to acknowledge, but he has made small, amazing victories.
He may not be able to process what he sees, but he damn sure sees more than he did a few months ago. And I’m proud of him.
He may not be able to reach for toys or anything really, but he will grab my finger and play with my hand while he eats. And I’m proud of him.
He may not be able to hold his head up for very long during tummy time, but he holds it up seconds longer each time. And I’m so damn proud of him.