Well that was short-lived

I honestly don’t know how much of this I can continue to handle. I feel so numb. So lost and confused. 

I decided to switch pediatricians for Carter because I was very unhappy with who we were seeing. 

His first appointment was this morning. It was a hot mess. Don’t get me wrong, the pediatrician was just what we needed. She is extremely proactive and our appointments for this month have doubled. 

She sent us directly to the lab this morning for blood tests and a chromosome analysis. I should hear back from her today. 

I’m tired of holding my baby down while he screams because he doesn’t understand what is happening. 

She is also recommending us to see a geneticist, which I figured we would have to do. 

In addition, we have now an upper endoscopy scheduled along with a swallow study. 

All of this information that I have to keep up with is wearing me down, it’s scaring me. I can’t be without my child. 

I don’t want to imagine a life without him. I don’t know how to be strong anymore. 

I decided to come home from work to just be with him today. Just watch him and play with him and be with him. Because I am terrified of what’s next.