I write because….

I’m never one to back down from a challenge! I recently signed up for a 30 day writing prompt that will help me get better at telling Carter’s story. Today’s prompt is “I write because…”

I write because it calms me. I am, by nature, an extremely anxious, emotional person. I feel everything. And sometimes I feel like I “feel” things a million times harder than other people do. Every moment I am alive that I can’t get my son to look in my eyes, hurts. Yet, every time he buries his head into my shoulder, it sends this warm, sunshiny feeling down my spine, through my legs and straight out of my toes. 

I write because Carter is the most important person in my life and his story is important. He is special and I think everyone needs to see how very sweet, and special, he is. 

I want his milestones celebrated by everyone. I want his failures and triumphs out there so everyone can watch how so very hard he works to achieve what comes so very easy to typical children. 

I want other moms and dads to read this, who do have typical kids, and realize how lucky they are that their kid is developing normally. Carter is not the norm and I was surprised at how much I would have taken for granted had this been a “normal” experience. 

I want people to understand what unconditional love feels like, if they have never had the chance to experience it themselves. This, all of this insanity, is what unconditional love feels like. His laugh, his cry, his scream. The tiny rash on his backside, the way he curls his toes if you touch the pad of his feet, the smirk I get when I brush his tummy with the tips of my fingers…UNCONDITIONAL. The love I have for him cannot be put into words. This is why I write. 

I write to make up for the fact that I can’t explain these feelings I have for him. It expands the universe. 

I write out of love, out of anger. out of not understanding, out of sadness…..

This is why I write. 

And I hope that this is why you read.