Houston…where do I begin?

Your traffic is horrendous. Your healthcare is phenomenal.

What I am leaving here with:

1. I can understand why people drive out of their way to come to Houston for medical care. Both campuses of the Children’s Hospital are locations out of a dream. Louisiana needs to take a hint and push politics out of the way so WE can have something like this. I digress…

2. Genetics is our best bet. Both doctors, the ophthalmologist and the neurologist, agree that genetics is our next stop. I’m happy I’ve already made that step and we shall be on our way in May. 

3. I love my friends and family. This is not the type of experience I wanted to be included in my life. But through it, I’ve been given love and support from every corner. I don’t think anyone will understand how huge of a hole they have filled in my heart. Thank you from the bottom of my soul. 

The neurologist calmed some fears today for me, which I’m thankful for, as well. She told me I can mark off a lot of Carter’s tendencies as Carter being himself. That’s quite a few. 

She also said we have done a great job pushing for answers, as she normally doesn’t come across a workup like Carter has. I think Casey needed to hear that. 

All in all, I will happily drive 5 hours and stay a night in Houston to see her again. She is humble and smart and someone we could use in our life. 

Now it’s storming and we are trying to make it back home. 

Thanks, Houston. 

So it begins…or continues? Who knows.

The day is here. Today we travel to Houston for our first specialist visit with the neuro ophthalmologist. We also get to see a developmental pediatrician and pediatric neurologist.

Is it possible to be scared and excited at the same time?

I’m about 90/10. 

I wish we didn’t have to go through this…I wish everyday for a little more normal. 

I don’t even feel like the same person I used to be. I feel weaker, but I also kind of feel stronger. It’s a weird balance. 

I can’t imagine ever thinking of having any more children. This has been quite the experience. Not necessarily good, not necessarily bad. It just is. 

I get a Carter out of it all and for that I am grateful. But if he isn’t happy and hurting and can’t enjoy life, how do I deal with that? How do I deal with the fact that I gave him this life? 

The questions continue. The struggle continues.