Getting stronger

I am so happy to say that little dude is getting stronger and stronger everyday! He is starting to sit assisted for about a minute or two, as well as bear weight with no step reflex!

It’s too exciting. 

And since he is starting to see a little better, things are actually enjoyable and funny. Interacting with him is getting super interesting. 

I think the therapy and the diet change and the medication are really what I can thank for this wonderful change. I think he just feels better. From the milk-free formula to pooping almost everyday to pushing him to his limits with his muscle strength. 

It’s all working, and I am forever thankful. 


Baby on my brain

Someone wise recently told me, grief is a circle. In the beginning, it’s an extremely small circle. You feel trapped, in a vicious cycle…crying everyday, not able to handle your situation. But as time goes on you find support and love, and your circle gets bigger, your confidence gets stronger. Days start to pass with no tears. You find happiness in places you didn’t think was possible. You see blessings that you were blinded to previously. Yes, there are instances where your circle feels small again, as grief never disappears. And whatever circumstance caused your circle to reduce, will probably happen again. This time, you’ll be ready. And your circle will get bigger again. 

My circle is starting to get bigger faster. I feel like I’m picking myself up quicker than I was in the beginning. It sure as hell doesn’t hurt that little man is a ham. 

Laying in my tub tonight, I started counting my blessings. How lucky I am that I was chosen to be Carter’s mom. How lucky I am to have picked an incredible husband. How lucky I am to have the most wonderful parents and sister. I’m a lucky girl in many, many ways. 

But Carter has made me thankful for each day. He is my best friend, my knight in shining armor, my Prince Charming. I pick him always. I would pick him a million more times. In spite of what we have had to go through to help him, I would do it all over again.

And not think twice…

Ready to write again

I decided I needed a little break from the blog. Tonight, I decided to come back. Not much has changed since my last post. There have been ups, like Carter is now consistently swatting at objects, and downs, he lost a pound in two weeks. Now we have to increase calories, add olive oil and milk of magnesia to his bottles and he is now on a muscle relaxer called Baclofen. 

He’s been in such a happy mood lately that it’s helped keep my spirits up. 

In trying to look at the positive side of life, in addition to the swatting he is also making some great eye contact when eating, as well as laughing at our voices. These are all brand new, wonderful additions to my days. 

We are still waiting on a few genetic tests to come back from the lab. It’s been over a month so I made sure to follow up with the pediatrician. 

As far as therapy goes, we have increased. Early steps physical therapy and vision therapy once a week, as well as physical therapy and occupational therapy at a private firm once a week. 

On a lighter note, Carter and I have been taking a baby massage class, as well, and I think our bond is stronger. It has helped his reflexes and his constipation. It’s also helped his anxiety and his attention span. I’m excited to incorporate massage into our daily life. 

That’s all I got. It’s nice to be able to get the right words out again. 

I write because….

I’m never one to back down from a challenge! I recently signed up for a 30 day writing prompt that will help me get better at telling Carter’s story. Today’s prompt is “I write because…”

I write because it calms me. I am, by nature, an extremely anxious, emotional person. I feel everything. And sometimes I feel like I “feel” things a million times harder than other people do. Every moment I am alive that I can’t get my son to look in my eyes, hurts. Yet, every time he buries his head into my shoulder, it sends this warm, sunshiny feeling down my spine, through my legs and straight out of my toes. 

I write because Carter is the most important person in my life and his story is important. He is special and I think everyone needs to see how very sweet, and special, he is. 

I want his milestones celebrated by everyone. I want his failures and triumphs out there so everyone can watch how so very hard he works to achieve what comes so very easy to typical children. 

I want other moms and dads to read this, who do have typical kids, and realize how lucky they are that their kid is developing normally. Carter is not the norm and I was surprised at how much I would have taken for granted had this been a “normal” experience. 

I want people to understand what unconditional love feels like, if they have never had the chance to experience it themselves. This, all of this insanity, is what unconditional love feels like. His laugh, his cry, his scream. The tiny rash on his backside, the way he curls his toes if you touch the pad of his feet, the smirk I get when I brush his tummy with the tips of my fingers…UNCONDITIONAL. The love I have for him cannot be put into words. This is why I write. 

I write to make up for the fact that I can’t explain these feelings I have for him. It expands the universe. 

I write out of love, out of anger. out of not understanding, out of sadness…..

This is why I write. 

And I hope that this is why you read. 

Cheers to the freakin weekend!

What a wonderful end to our week. Little dude had his first infant massage class and he was FANTASSSSTIC! He was calm, paid attention and he loved it. 

We got lucky as we were the only ones who attended today, so it was one on one. I learned a ton of new techniques and I hope the next few classes can strengthen our bond. 

On top of that greatness, his tummy time is getting better and he is starting to really push up on his arms. Sigh. 😍

Oh, what a wonderful world.